Sunday, February 28, 2016

It's About How You See Yourself

I haven't posted in awhile. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have anything to post about. Lately though I realized there is something holding me back. It's something that holds many of us back. It's my own opinion of myself.

Now seriously, I'm pretty confident. I'm not shy and I don't have any problems with talking to or meeting new people. I like to be a leader. Unfortunately though, I often doubt myself in my head. I feel like everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about when I say these words. Last week, I started worrying that I wouldn't have the stamina to run for 13 miles. I started talking to some of my coaches and teammates about this. It was a small thought in my head that started to make me worry because a run was tough for me. My mind starts to say, "You are not a runner. You can't run 13 miles." "If this shorter run is hard for you, how could you ever accomplish a half marathon?"

Nutrition has been a struggle and I've lost a lot of weight so far on watching what I eat, but if I have a bad day of eating the nasty thoughts start creeping into my mind again. "You are just going to gain all your weight back." "You can't lose any more than you've already lost." "You're not working hard enough." When other people give me compliments, it can be even hard to accept them because my mind is telling me that I'm not where I need to be and I still have so far to go.

Then there are days that you throw these negative thoughts away and you feel like you CAN do it. I just completed a weight loss challenge for staff members at my school. It felt good to support them and help them to reach their goals. Many of them thanked me for helping them and I accepted these thanks and didn't let myself get negative thoughts into my head. Saturday, I set out to run 8 miles and I did. I felt great and I didn't feel fatigued during my run even though I had never run this far in my life. It was easy to swat away the self doubt that was going on  in my head, because physically I felt good. Unfortunately negative thoughts never stay away for too long....

When the run was almost finished, I had 2 of my team members tell me I would make a great coach. I'm pretty loud and I like to encourage other people on my team. When they told me that, I was flattered but it was a crazy thought to me." I have no idea what I'm doing right?"  "I've never even run before." "I couldn't be good enough to actually help other people cross the finish line." This morning I went to a Yoga class specifically for runners and when I entered the room I was so nervous because in looking around, I felt like everyone looked more "fit" than me.

These negative thoughts have really torn me down and I have to work hard at building myself back up. I'm writing this because I know that EVERYONE has negative thoughts about themselves and the change has to come from the inside of the view we have of ourselves. Just because other people are more fit than me, does not mean I am not fit. Just because I had a bad day of eating does not mean that I can't control my eating. Just because I've never run before doesn't mean I can't be a runner. Just because my muscles are just developing does not mean I'm not strong. The problem is it takes so much convincing in your mind for these thoughts to actually stick, where the negative ones creep in all the time. I'm challenging myself this week to really work on kicking the negative thoughts away. I want to make my self talk less about tearing myself down and more about building myself up. How do you deal with negative thoughts about yourself?

Sunday, February 14, 2016

On Earning My Badass Badge

This week I truly had to brave several elements to get my runs in. First up was our Wednesday run. I knew it was fartleks again so I was already dreading it. Upon looking at the forecast, I also realized it was 18 degrees. This was the coldest temperature I had ever faced. Couple that with the Monday-Tuesday snowstorm and you get a completely snow and ice covered bridge. The bridge was our warm up and we took it very slow, but with the wind from the Ohio river whipping onto our faces and a sun that had already set, this was the most freezing I had ever been on a run. A good part of this was that I finally felt like I am becoming a stronger runner. The fartleks didn't kill me and I didn't even feel like throwing up. Mentally, I am feeling like I can push myself more. Did I mention only about 25% of our group was there due to the temperature? Just another badass point for me. On the way back, I started feeling a terrible blister on my foot, more on that to come.

For my birthday, T.J. surprised me with a weekend trip to Louisville. I knew this would mean missing my running group, but I didn't want to miss the run completely so I called  a group in Louisville who gladly let me join up with their marathon training group. I didn't know what the temperature would actually be like when I woke up on Saturday morning.

There you have it folks. 15 degrees, feeling like 4. Good thing I had packed a lot of layers! 
Hyperwarm Nike running pants, regular Nike  dri fit, hyperwarm Nike dri fit,Old Navy athletic vest, Bengals scarf, Nike running earwarmer
When I arrived at my destination, I was ready to get a run in both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, this group did not have pace coaches like my home group. The organizer gladly found me a mentor to run with, which from what I understand are people in training who are more experienced, but they are not exactly coaches. My pace currently is around 11'30". These women were running 11', but were going to slow down for me. I am not a good enough runner at this point to pace myself AT ALL. I have no idea what pace I am running so I just kept up with the woman I was paired with. I felt like it was too fast, but at the same time I didn't want to hold her back from getting her training in. Now watch me slowly run out of gas....
Yes indeed it was much faster than what I was used to.Much faster. Did I mention it was a lot faster? It was very fatiguing for me, but I did not want to give up! The blister also came back on this run and was a real thorn in my side. Apparently this is caused by cotton socks, especially if you wear 2 pairs of cotton socks for warmth. Cotton just tends to get wet, and this made a rubbing occur on my right foot. Maybe this seems self explanatory but keep in mind, I have never been a runner in my life. 
The red area is a large blister, with 2 small blisters on top. I don't even know. It's a hot mess. 
Anyways, I really appreciated the hospitality of the running group in Louisville, however the pacing made me really miss my coaches in Newport. I am not experienced enough to pace my own running and it's helpful to have 2 coaches running with just my pace group. It's great for beginners like me. (In no way endorsed by The Running Spot, I just really like it.)

So I hope you see what made me earn my badass badge this week. There were so many excuses I could have made, but I was determined. I didn't let the temperature stop me. I didn't let snow or ice stop me. I didn't let being in a new city stop me. I didn't let a fast pace stop me. I didn't let a terribly painful blister stop me. I've finally gotten in a habit of not making excuses, which was my biggest problem before this process started. Excuses are too easy and they don't help you to accomplish your goals. Becoming truly determined means that no matter what obstacles you face, you will do what you set out to do.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

7 miles, 3 bridges, 3 cities, 2 states

Yes folks, that's right. I ran 7 miles today and was fairly shocked with myself. Maybe proud is a better word, but when I started this journey, the thought of running 3 miles sent a shiver down my spine. When I thought about 13, I was in sheer terror. I felt almost crazy. The crazy feeling has not left me yet, but the terror and anxiety have.

Last night I even had a dream about running. In my dream, I got lost and I was by myself and couldn't get home. I still get intimidated by our long runs. Getting started is hard because it seems like it takes forever to get that first mile in the books. Once the run gets going though, it just feels right and somehow my body just amazes me and keeps going-even at the moments when I think it can't. I told T.J. it was a strange feeling being all the way over on Linn Street today and coming to the realization that the only thing that would carry me home were my own two feet. They did. Thanks feet!

Every mile felt great today. The hills didn't stop me. I never felt like throwing up. I feel like I have officially redeemed myself from last week. The bridges didn't seem so hard because I had trained on all of them before. When I got back to the casino today, which was our place of starting out, I honestly felt like I could have kept running. Yup, definitely still crazy. Running  has become sort of an obsession. I find myself talking about it constantly. However, I can't be mad at myself because there are far worse things to become addicted to.

As I wake up in the mornings and feel tired and intimidated (not terrorized or anxiety-ridden) I always tell myself one thing over and over, "nothing worth achieving is ever easy." How true, my dear friends. I'm pushing my own boundaries farther than I've ever pushed before and it has been so worth it. I encourage all of you to try and do something new for yourselves that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. Do something that you think is impossible. Your mind and/or body will eventually push impossible out of the way. Possible will be left. All things are possible.

Here are some pictures from my day:

This picture just says "pure joy" to me. 

It was beautiful getting to watch the sun come up over my Queen City. 

I have a great team! 

I haven't posted on food in awhile, so my next post will have some recipe sharing. Thanks for listening to my babbles!

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Week 5, Seeking Revenge

If you read my last two blogs, you know that week 4 was tough for me. It was definitely the week full of almost barfing. I made it through and tried not to let myself get discouraged. Today was hill training. It already sounds really fun, right? The night was spent running the hills of the Taylor Southgate Bridge and the Purple People Bridge. We were supposed to exert ourselves to a 7 or 8 going up the hill and then once we were at the top, we were allowed to run at like a 3 or 4 level exertion until we got back to the next bridge a.k.a. the next hill. It was some intense running. I didn't eat right today and didn't drink enough water so I was in cramp central, but I did not feel like I was going to throw up. Not at all. When our coach asked us if we wanted to exert ourselves for one more hill climb, we were all on board, even me. I can't tell you how good that felt! We ended up doing about 5 miles, which is quite a lot for a weeknight run, but I did not feel bad at all. I was even cracking jokes about the guy we passed who was smoking a blunt...I can't make this stuff up. Either way when I got back into my car, all I could think was,

I feel great!

After the run, a few of us began talking about what makes a good runner. It kept coming up that becoming a better runner is not just about running. It's about what you do besides running. It's about core work, and cross training. It's about stretching and yoga. It's about a lot of things. For the first time in my life I honestly feel like I am on the right track.
This is me stretching in my living room after our run. Stretching is so important to help prevent injuries

I was hungry as a bear and needed a quick dinner. Egg, 2 slices turkey bacon. heart smart biscuits, and freshly cut pineapple. It was quick, easy, and delicious.