Can't Let Nerves Get Me Down

Tomorrow I will be running my very first 15K. For those of you who don't know, this is about 9.3 miles. I know in my heart that I can complete the race, but I do have fears about having to walk it. I really want to run the whole 9 miles without stopping. I am not very experienced with running this long of a distance. Everyone keeps telling me that the adrenaline will get me through it. I'm working really hard to keep things positive and believe in myself. I want to be excited about the race and the fun of it and not let my nerves get the best of me.

Today I went to the health and fitness expo that goes along with the Heart Mini. This was a runner's paradise. There was lots of free stuff being given away by sponsors. I got to taste new Clif Bars, Skinny Pop, and delicious organic dark chocolate. I got to learn about a lot of upcoming races, including a "Girl's Night Out 5 Miler" that benefits Cincinnati Children's Hospital this summer. There was so much race gear. I got 2 tech shirts for $5, a no slip headband for $5, and my Clif gel shots for $1. There was also a lot of new exercise equipment, including a really cool treadmill that made walking easier for people with injuries using NASA technology. I immediately thought of my dad. I wish I had money to afford one for him! It was awesome to see it in action. My husband went with me and then we went to the St. Patrick's Day parade afterwards. This made it a very fun morning and I did not think about being nervous at all.

Tomorrow I know that all I can do is my best. I have to work hard to turn off any negative thoughts that will be telling me to stop. The forecast for the race is thunderstorms right now. Come hell or high water (and hopefully none off the above), I will cross that finish line because I have heart.

Bockfest, A Few of My Favorite Things, and A Run I was Proud Of

This weekend was the Bockfest 5k in Cincinnati. A few of my friends wanted to do it and I was excited but torn about whether or not to run with my group. Luckily, they made the path to where we could cut off at 7 miles and be at the starting line to Bockfest.

A blooper picture of me with my running crew.

My friends quickly showed up at the race and we started together, but later split up. I stayed with my husband as this was his first 5k. He did a really good job and it was fun to coach him along the way.

Much beer and coneys were consumed afterwards, but I was definitely ready to go home and sit down after having my legs carry me 10 miles. The couch has never felt so glorious!

Really why I wanted to write this post though is to tell you about some of my favorite running things....

First off, tech socks and Body Glide, both things that help me from getting terrible blisters/chafing. As you may have seen, my blisters were totally out of control on my right foot. I didn't post a picture, but I actually got a second blister, caused by wrappings to cover up my first blister. It's been so annoying. Luckily, I've invested in 2 pair of new socks. There are several different brands. I picked Under Armour only because they were on sale. These socks are not made of cotton. Cotton gets very wet if you are sweating creating a rubbing effect on your feet which is probably what caused my blisters in the first place. These are not made of cotton so they don't get soaked when my feet sweat and they have treated me very well. These socks are expensive, hence why I browsed the clearance section. If you invest in a pair the L & R tell you what foot they go on. Body Glide also helps prevent rubbing. I now put this where my blisters are (to keep extra rubbing from happening) and I put them around my sports bra. Again, this is a place where I've gotten chafe marks from sweating. They burned really bad when I got in the shower! 

Next up, Cliff energy shots in the vanilla flavor. I've tried a lot of different nutrition because my running group provides samples. Even though these things grossed me out at first, I finally tried this and was so glad I did. These are great for long runs to replenish your energy with some carbs and sugars. It helps to prevent fatigue and I have to admit it really has helped me when I take one in the middle of my run. Out of everything, these have been the easiest to digest for me. I have a funky stomach (as mentioned before) and these did not seem to upset it like some of the other products did. I will be using this as I take on the Heart Mini next Sunday!

I'll be sharing more of "my favorite things" as the journey continues. I've learned what works mostly by learning what doesn't work.

 Lastly, I want to share a picture of a run from Wednesday night that I was super proud of. My pacing was sped up by the dreaded fartleks, but I didn't surrender. In fact, this time I really didn't even feel pain. It was a great feeling to finish on Wednesday and be in such good shape after a 10'42" pace. So good, that I was able to enjoy being proud of myself without negative self talk. Thanks Beyonce! 

Girl Boss

As you may have noticed in my previous post, I have had a problem with negative thoughts popping into my head and I've quickly realized that I am 100% not alone in this. In fact statistics show that 100% of people have doubts. Okay, I made that up, but you get the point. This week I've been trying to change the dialogue. What a better way to do so then to listen to music with a positive message. The following videos are some of my favorite songs that make me feel like an empowered woman.

First up: Demi Lovato's "Confident"

Favorite lyrics: What's wrong with being confident?

Seems cheesey right? But seriously, we've told women that it's not okay to be confident in society. This is the first time that I feel like women are becoming stronger in our culture and I love it. Being confident doesn't make you cocky or a bitch. It makes you strong. 

Second Up: Beyonce's "Run The World"

Favorite lyrics: "I'm repping for the girls that's taking over the world. Help me raise a glass for the college grads." "How we smart enough to make these millions. Strong enough to bear the children, then get back to bidness." 

I freaking love Beyonce. She doesn't just sing these words, she lives them. She makes me feel confident whenever I see her perform. Beyonce is not about being stick thin or conforming to what others want, she's about embracing who she is and running with it. I think we could all learn a lot from her. 

Next on my playlist: Sia with "Alive" 

Favorite lyrics: "I knew what I wanted, I went out and got it. Did all the things that you said I wouldn't. I told you that I would never be forgotten."

Sia has the most amazing and unique voice. This song is about overcoming struggles and still coming out alive and breathing. It's beautiful. Sia is a person who also doesn't want to conform to the regular identity of women in Hollywood. Her videos are often seen as odd or weird and she never stars in them. 

Everyone deserves to feel like a girl boss. Listen to these songs to help you when you are experiencing negative self talk. Be a Demi, Beyonce, or Sia.... Or they would probably just want you to be yourself. 

It's About How You See Yourself

I haven't posted in awhile. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have anything to post about. Lately though I realized there is something holding me back. It's something that holds many of us back. It's my own opinion of myself.

Now seriously, I'm pretty confident. I'm not shy and I don't have any problems with talking to or meeting new people. I like to be a leader. Unfortunately though, I often doubt myself in my head. I feel like everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about when I say these words. Last week, I started worrying that I wouldn't have the stamina to run for 13 miles. I started talking to some of my coaches and teammates about this. It was a small thought in my head that started to make me worry because a run was tough for me. My mind starts to say, "You are not a runner. You can't run 13 miles." "If this shorter run is hard for you, how could you ever accomplish a half marathon?"

Nutrition has been a struggle and I've lost a lot of weight so far on watching what I eat, but if I have a bad day of eating the nasty thoughts start creeping into my mind again. "You are just going to gain all your weight back." "You can't lose any more than you've already lost." "You're not working hard enough." When other people give me compliments, it can be even hard to accept them because my mind is telling me that I'm not where I need to be and I still have so far to go.

Then there are days that you throw these negative thoughts away and you feel like you CAN do it. I just completed a weight loss challenge for staff members at my school. It felt good to support them and help them to reach their goals. Many of them thanked me for helping them and I accepted these thanks and didn't let myself get negative thoughts into my head. Saturday, I set out to run 8 miles and I did. I felt great and I didn't feel fatigued during my run even though I had never run this far in my life. It was easy to swat away the self doubt that was going on  in my head, because physically I felt good. Unfortunately negative thoughts never stay away for too long....

When the run was almost finished, I had 2 of my team members tell me I would make a great coach. I'm pretty loud and I like to encourage other people on my team. When they told me that, I was flattered but it was a crazy thought to me." I have no idea what I'm doing right?"  "I've never even run before." "I couldn't be good enough to actually help other people cross the finish line." This morning I went to a Yoga class specifically for runners and when I entered the room I was so nervous because in looking around, I felt like everyone looked more "fit" than me.

These negative thoughts have really torn me down and I have to work hard at building myself back up. I'm writing this because I know that EVERYONE has negative thoughts about themselves and the change has to come from the inside of the view we have of ourselves. Just because other people are more fit than me, does not mean I am not fit. Just because I had a bad day of eating does not mean that I can't control my eating. Just because I've never run before doesn't mean I can't be a runner. Just because my muscles are just developing does not mean I'm not strong. The problem is it takes so much convincing in your mind for these thoughts to actually stick, where the negative ones creep in all the time. I'm challenging myself this week to really work on kicking the negative thoughts away. I want to make my self talk less about tearing myself down and more about building myself up. How do you deal with negative thoughts about yourself?

On Earning My Badass Badge

This week I truly had to brave several elements to get my runs in. First up was our Wednesday run. I knew it was fartleks again so I was already dreading it. Upon looking at the forecast, I also realized it was 18 degrees. This was the coldest temperature I had ever faced. Couple that with the Monday-Tuesday snowstorm and you get a completely snow and ice covered bridge. The bridge was our warm up and we took it very slow, but with the wind from the Ohio river whipping onto our faces and a sun that had already set, this was the most freezing I had ever been on a run. A good part of this was that I finally felt like I am becoming a stronger runner. The fartleks didn't kill me and I didn't even feel like throwing up. Mentally, I am feeling like I can push myself more. Did I mention only about 25% of our group was there due to the temperature? Just another badass point for me. On the way back, I started feeling a terrible blister on my foot, more on that to come.

For my birthday, T.J. surprised me with a weekend trip to Louisville. I knew this would mean missing my running group, but I didn't want to miss the run completely so I called  a group in Louisville who gladly let me join up with their marathon training group. I didn't know what the temperature would actually be like when I woke up on Saturday morning.

There you have it folks. 15 degrees, feeling like 4. Good thing I had packed a lot of layers! 

Hyperwarm Nike running pants, regular Nike  dri fit, hyperwarm Nike dri fit,Old Navy athletic vest, Bengals scarf, Nike running earwarmer

When I arrived at my destination, I was ready to get a run in both physically and mentally. Unfortunately, this group did not have pace coaches like my home group. The organizer gladly found me a mentor to run with, which from what I understand are people in training who are more experienced, but they are not exactly coaches. My pace currently is around 11'30". These women were running 11', but were going to slow down for me. I am not a good enough runner at this point to pace myself AT ALL. I have no idea what pace I am running so I just kept up with the woman I was paired with. I felt like it was too fast, but at the same time I didn't want to hold her back from getting her training in. Now watch me slowly run out of gas....

Yes indeed it was much faster than what I was used to.Much faster. Did I mention it was a lot faster? It was very fatiguing for me, but I did not want to give up! The blister also came back on this run and was a real thorn in my side. Apparently this is caused by cotton socks, especially if you wear 2 pairs of cotton socks for warmth. Cotton just tends to get wet, and this made a rubbing occur on my right foot. Maybe this seems self explanatory but keep in mind, I have never been a runner in my life. 

The red area is a large blister, with 2 small blisters on top. I don't even know. It's a hot mess. 

Anyways, I really appreciated the hospitality of the running group in Louisville, however the pacing made me really miss my coaches in Newport. I am not experienced enough to pace my own running and it's helpful to have 2 coaches running with just my pace group. It's great for beginners like me. (In no way endorsed by The Running Spot, I just really like it.)

So I hope you see what made me earn my badass badge this week. There were so many excuses I could have made, but I was determined. I didn't let the temperature stop me. I didn't let snow or ice stop me. I didn't let being in a new city stop me. I didn't let a fast pace stop me. I didn't let a terribly painful blister stop me. I've finally gotten in a habit of not making excuses, which was my biggest problem before this process started. Excuses are too easy and they don't help you to accomplish your goals. Becoming truly determined means that no matter what obstacles you face, you will do what you set out to do.

7 miles, 3 bridges, 3 cities, 2 states

Yes folks, that's right. I ran 7 miles today and was fairly shocked with myself. Maybe proud is a better word, but when I started this journey, the thought of running 3 miles sent a shiver down my spine. When I thought about 13, I was in sheer terror. I felt almost crazy. The crazy feeling has not left me yet, but the terror and anxiety have.

Last night I even had a dream about running. In my dream, I got lost and I was by myself and couldn't get home. I still get intimidated by our long runs. Getting started is hard because it seems like it takes forever to get that first mile in the books. Once the run gets going though, it just feels right and somehow my body just amazes me and keeps going-even at the moments when I think it can't. I told T.J. it was a strange feeling being all the way over on Linn Street today and coming to the realization that the only thing that would carry me home were my own two feet. They did. Thanks feet!

Every mile felt great today. The hills didn't stop me. I never felt like throwing up. I feel like I have officially redeemed myself from last week. The bridges didn't seem so hard because I had trained on all of them before. When I got back to the casino today, which was our place of starting out, I honestly felt like I could have kept running. Yup, definitely still crazy. Running  has become sort of an obsession. I find myself talking about it constantly. However, I can't be mad at myself because there are far worse things to become addicted to.

As I wake up in the mornings and feel tired and intimidated (not terrorized or anxiety-ridden) I always tell myself one thing over and over, "nothing worth achieving is ever easy." How true, my dear friends. I'm pushing my own boundaries farther than I've ever pushed before and it has been so worth it. I encourage all of you to try and do something new for yourselves that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. Do something that you think is impossible. Your mind and/or body will eventually push impossible out of the way. Possible will be left. All things are possible.

Here are some pictures from my day:

This picture just says "pure joy" to me. 

It was beautiful getting to watch the sun come up over my Queen City. 

I have a great team! 

I haven't posted on food in awhile, so my next post will have some recipe sharing. Thanks for listening to my babbles!

Week 5, Seeking Revenge

If you read my last two blogs, you know that week 4 was tough for me. It was definitely the week full of almost barfing. I made it through and tried not to let myself get discouraged. Today was hill training. It already sounds really fun, right? The night was spent running the hills of the Taylor Southgate Bridge and the Purple People Bridge. We were supposed to exert ourselves to a 7 or 8 going up the hill and then once we were at the top, we were allowed to run at like a 3 or 4 level exertion until we got back to the next bridge a.k.a. the next hill. It was some intense running. I didn't eat right today and didn't drink enough water so I was in cramp central, but I did not feel like I was going to throw up. Not at all. When our coach asked us if we wanted to exert ourselves for one more hill climb, we were all on board, even me. I can't tell you how good that felt! We ended up doing about 5 miles, which is quite a lot for a weeknight run, but I did not feel bad at all. I was even cracking jokes about the guy we passed who was smoking a blunt...I can't make this stuff up. Either way when I got back into my car, all I could think was,

I feel great!

After the run, a few of us began talking about what makes a good runner. It kept coming up that becoming a better runner is not just about running. It's about what you do besides running. It's about core work, and cross training. It's about stretching and yoga. It's about a lot of things. For the first time in my life I honestly feel like I am on the right track.

This is me stretching in my living room after our run. Stretching is so important to help prevent injuries

I was hungry as a bear and needed a quick dinner. Egg, 2 slices turkey bacon. heart smart biscuits, and freshly cut pineapple. It was quick, easy, and delicious.