It's About How You See Yourself

I haven't posted in awhile. Sometimes I just don't feel like I have anything to post about. Lately though I realized there is something holding me back. It's something that holds many of us back. It's my own opinion of myself.

Now seriously, I'm pretty confident. I'm not shy and I don't have any problems with talking to or meeting new people. I like to be a leader. Unfortunately though, I often doubt myself in my head. I feel like everyone knows exactly what I'm talking about when I say these words. Last week, I started worrying that I wouldn't have the stamina to run for 13 miles. I started talking to some of my coaches and teammates about this. It was a small thought in my head that started to make me worry because a run was tough for me. My mind starts to say, "You are not a runner. You can't run 13 miles." "If this shorter run is hard for you, how could you ever accomplish a half marathon?"

Nutrition has been a struggle and I've lost a lot of weight so far on watching what I eat, but if I have a bad day of eating the nasty thoughts start creeping into my mind again. "You are just going to gain all your weight back." "You can't lose any more than you've already lost." "You're not working hard enough." When other people give me compliments, it can be even hard to accept them because my mind is telling me that I'm not where I need to be and I still have so far to go.

Then there are days that you throw these negative thoughts away and you feel like you CAN do it. I just completed a weight loss challenge for staff members at my school. It felt good to support them and help them to reach their goals. Many of them thanked me for helping them and I accepted these thanks and didn't let myself get negative thoughts into my head. Saturday, I set out to run 8 miles and I did. I felt great and I didn't feel fatigued during my run even though I had never run this far in my life. It was easy to swat away the self doubt that was going on  in my head, because physically I felt good. Unfortunately negative thoughts never stay away for too long....

When the run was almost finished, I had 2 of my team members tell me I would make a great coach. I'm pretty loud and I like to encourage other people on my team. When they told me that, I was flattered but it was a crazy thought to me." I have no idea what I'm doing right?"  "I've never even run before." "I couldn't be good enough to actually help other people cross the finish line." This morning I went to a Yoga class specifically for runners and when I entered the room I was so nervous because in looking around, I felt like everyone looked more "fit" than me.

These negative thoughts have really torn me down and I have to work hard at building myself back up. I'm writing this because I know that EVERYONE has negative thoughts about themselves and the change has to come from the inside of the view we have of ourselves. Just because other people are more fit than me, does not mean I am not fit. Just because I had a bad day of eating does not mean that I can't control my eating. Just because I've never run before doesn't mean I can't be a runner. Just because my muscles are just developing does not mean I'm not strong. The problem is it takes so much convincing in your mind for these thoughts to actually stick, where the negative ones creep in all the time. I'm challenging myself this week to really work on kicking the negative thoughts away. I want to make my self talk less about tearing myself down and more about building myself up. How do you deal with negative thoughts about yourself?