Blood of the Dragon

So since starting this blog, I feel like I had often had to defend women, especially women in athletics in some way. For example, around the Olympics I wrote the post about how women were being covered in the media. I have also blogged about a man who laughed at me when I told him I was trying to purchase BCAA's at GNC. I have blogged about being yelled at from men out of car windows as I was running. I've heard everything from "Run faster you fat, fluffy bitch" to "Look at your boobs bounce!" Yes, I wish I was kidding. I have blogged about a woman I follow Run, Selfie, Repeat being told she should care more about losing weight and stop using it as a crutch in an email from a stranger.

Now, a coach from my team has been called out for an outfit she wore to complete a half marathon.

The picture above is Laurah Lukin who actually won second place in this half marathon. After these comments were deleted, the man continued to comment on other pictures, then posted about the situation on his Facebook saying that just because women were offended didn't mean they were right. Please read Laurah's blog here to learn about here reaction. 

I don't want to spend time hating on this guy, because he is frankly not worth the time. 

The thing is, it's easy to tell each other to ignore it. It's easy to tell our fellow women to let the comments roll off their back. However, the truth is that these comments hurt and put us on edge. When men yell at me from their cars, I start doubting myself in my own head. It's hard to focus on running because I am instead focusing on myself and how I am being perceived. I also get nervous and find myself looking over my shoulder to make sure the car has left. The problem is not with women, the problem is with how our society views women.  This is why I will continue to post blogs like this. This is why I will continue to be a Girls on the Run Coach, which works to teach girls self esteem and confidence. This is why I will continue to post photos of myself after a long run or a hard workout. 

The other news about our society, that just so happens to be good, is that women seem to be stronger than ever. I know so many amazing women that are out there every day kicking ass and continuing to push themselves every day. These women are strong and beautiful. The job of changing the conversation is in our hands. The job of ending sexism is in our hands. 

If you are a woman who kicks ass, continue to put yourself out there no matter who tries to stand in your way. Focus on your inner strength and outer strength. Focus on all you have done to get where you are now.

You are strong.

Hold that thought close to you knowing that nobody can take it away. 

You are strong. 

“I am the blood of the dragon. I must be strong. I must have fire in my eyes when I face them.” 

― George R.R. Martin, A Storm of Swords

A Half Time That Scares Me

I've been gone for awhile now from the blog world, and every off season I think I'm finished with the blog. Then when the season starts, I end up having a lot on my mind and thinking that I should share with people the craziness that my brain goes through when I'm training.

First off, I'm in a new running group through Beyond Exercise. When our fearless leader, Rick, decided to leave our old group an start a brand new venture, many of us followed him. So although I'm with a new group, a lot of the people are the same and I'm enjoying the more social aspect that a small business brings to the table. Today we even had a party with beer, mimosas, chocolate milk, bagels, music, and shopping!

Second, I'm training for my 4th half marathon. Half marathons have actually become something that seem fun to me, but then I had to go and ruin it by trying to push my pace. In the fall, I will attempt to run a 2 hour half marathon. This means my pace will have to be a consistent 9:09 per mile. That is crazy fast for me! At the moment, I honestly can't remember the pace of my first three half marathons. I know they have to be somewhere on this blog. I want to say my first was in the 2:40 range. Something I do know is that I have gotten consistently faster with each race, making my fastest half marathon 2 hours and 8 minutes. So I know that 8 minutes may not seem like a lot to shave off, but running that pace was very challenging for me. That to me means I had already shaved off at least 30 minutes from previous races. It was honestly a surprise that I was able to finish it in that time. I know I've said before multiple times that I want to challenge myself, but as the season started, my runs were complete garbage trash. I now think I need to give myself more credit and realize that the heat and humidity play a huge role in this, but at the time we started I was becoming very discouraged. I was getting out of breath quickly and felt like I couldn't keep up. I was always falling back and then doubting my abilities. The good news is, my past 2 runs have felt much more doable. Hmmmm....and it has been slightly cooler and less humid!

This season I want to try and keep my confidence up whether the runs are good or bad. I want to not be afraid of the 2:00 half marathon, but instead try and conquer it head on. For those of you along for the journey, I'll try not to say the same story I've said for the past year, but in reality it will probably be a series of whines and triumphs as usual!

A Post I Wanted To Write A Long Time Ago

Okay, so call me superstitious but I was too worried about talking about the health benefits of working out, to actually write about the health benefits of working out. I thought I would immediately get injured during training season, because that's how this works and all. So now that I'm in between training seasons, it's something I wanted to post about.

When I started working out, I received a lot of positive feedback. Many people were complimenting me and saying "good for you." As the working out became something I really enjoyed and became more intense, some-not all people, began questioning me. Here are some examples of comments I felt like I heard regularly:

• Running is so bad for your knees. Are you sure you want to keep doing that?
• I can't believe you are lifting so much weight. You are going to hurt your back
• I'm worried about you running that much tomorrow
• I can't believe you get up so early to work out. You're going to be so tired all the time.
• I've heard running a marathon is really bad for your body.

I didn't have many issues with these things. In fact, the people I'm surrounded by haven't had many issues with these things and some of them have been running or exercising for 20+ years. Sure, there are injuries, and I have seen plenty of those. I even twisted my ankle one season and pushed too hard on it, ending up with more forced rest than I wanted. However, the health benefits I've experienced are far greater than the risk of injury:

• I lost 50 pounds- lowered risk for all kinds of diseases including heart disease and diabetes.
• I no longer have high blood pressure when I go to the doctor's office.
• I just had a biometric screening performed, and I was at low risk in every single category (except BMI.) This screening included cholesterol, blood glucose levels, and several other categories.
• I have had a reduced rate of illnesses and less headaches.
• Guess what? Working out at 5:30 a.m. actually makes me LESS sleepy!
• I am so incredibly less stressed out and overall more positive. 

I've had knee pain before and foot pain and leg soreness and I very well may lose a black toenail I have right now, but being on a regular exercise routine is more rewarding and has more BENEFITS than I could ever have imagined when I started. 

I feel that in some ways our society has some of this backwards. I totally believe in self confidence and positive body image being important. However, when I was 50 pounds heavier and I was not working out at all and eating dinner out or at fast food restaurants regularly, nobody expressed concern for my health. I really try and inspire people to work out because of the difference it has made in my mental and physical health. Sitting on the couch doing nothing was the most detrimental thing I was doing to my own health and wellness. I do try to push myself to the next level in several activities. I like the competition and challenge of doing these things. I follow training guidelines though and try to stay smart about lifting weights, running, stretching, and resting. I think we are hurting ourselves by putting exercise on the back burner. Making exercise a priority can change your life. Maybe that's exactly what makes it's so hard to do. Change is hard and there is always a chance that we will fail or in this case even get hurt, but I don't think that's a reason to hold back from the opportunities that are out there.

The Finish Swine

It all seems like a blur. What a cliche right? But I seriously cannot believe it's all over. Most importantly, I still can't believe I accomplished something that less than 1% of the population has accomplished. So much time, effort, training, lack of sleep, sweat, and pain was poured into this season. The time leading up to the race I was only thinking about everything and anything that could go wrong. I wasn't thinking about what could go right. I can be a doomsdayer.

First off, my pace pleased me though the majority of the race. My 6.8 pace was 10:54. My half pace was 10:48. My 19.7 pace was 10:56. My goal was to stay under 11 (finishing in a 4:45) and at that point, I had still done a great job. Unfortunately, I began to get super fatigued during the last 6 miles and my legs felt like lead, but let's start at the beginning.

Race day came and the weather was great for running. High 30's with no rain. I especially get very hot on runs, so I was really happy about the cooler temperatures. I had a weird sense of calm before I started. It seemed like I just calmed myself down and began to accept whatever at that point. Around 3 miles, my parents and my sisters were waiting in Newport with their kids. It's always exciting to see them, especially since the kids get so excited and are all holding up signs. It's a great way to start the race off and gives me motivation to stay strong.

After that, everything really kept going according to plan. I was running with a friend, but at Gilbert we got separated. I like to charge up hills pretty powerfully and stay in my zone. I just want to get it over with! On the large hill section, I passed some of my extended family and also a family from my school. It was a nice surprise and good to see familiar faces.

At the half marathon split, I still felt great! I wasn't even disappointed to see the halfers leaving, which I thought would be super tough mentally. I ran into another friend from my running group. It was nice to chat with her for a little bit because at this point the crowd had thinned out. It was a little tough thinking nobody else was waiting for me. We got a great downhill, and then I got a text from T.J. saying that he was at mile 15. This was so comforting.

Okay 2 more miles to T.J. and my parents.... I got to see them twice because they were at a turnaround spot and T.J. jumped in and ran with me for a bit just to make conversation, which was nice. After seeing them, I knew my coworker and her 2 boys were waiting at mile 17 so in my mind it was okay... 1 more mile to Kelly. After Kelly was a stretch from hell on Columbia Parkway. It was mostly highway and there was barely any crowd support. This was 18-20 and it was here that the 4:45 pacer passed me and I couldn't keep up. I felt a bit of disappointment and then, I just stopped caring and started thinking about crossing the finish line.

In my head I started thinking about Lindsey waiting for me at mile 20. When I saw Lindsey at mile 20 I was exhausted and thrilled to see her. My stomach had been weird during the run, as in I was worried I was going to poop my pants a few times. I only had eaten 2 of my nutrition packs because I was too nervous about my stomach reacting poorly. My plan was to have had 4 by mile 20. I think maybe I wouldn't have been so exhausted had I been able to stick to my nutrition plan. Anyways, Lindsey kept me going by running with me and telling me things to look out for that I would have been totally oblivious too. I'm glad she pointed them out to me, although I don't know if I can recall them all. My mother in law and father in law were at mile 21 cheering loudly for me. More friendly faces to help me reach my goal. At mile 22 Lori switched off with Lindsey.

One of the best moments of the race happened at mile 22. As exhausted as I was, I really wanted to try a "layup for Lauren." I got the small basketball and totally side armed the ball up there but it went in. I remember celebrating that moment and seeing the sign in the background that said "Never Give Up." Even now as I type that, it brings some tears to my eyes. Thank you Lauren Hill for inspiring me at mile 22. Lori was equally as great as Lindsey. My music stopped and Lori even played music on her phone out loud to keep me pumped up. At this point, 1 mile felt like 10 and every hill felt like Gilbert, but with Lori's encouragement I kept going. Lori and Lindsey are both coworkers and friends by the way, but seriously who else gets coworkers that are that amazing?

I made it to mile 24 and Lori switched off with my friend Tara from my very first running group. I have to admit, that seeing her was a little sweeter because I knew it was my last running buddy and then I would be crossing the finish line. Maggie jumped in with us at 25 and I asked Tara to tell me stories along the way.  Having them with me was great because we used to run together all the time and it was my very favorite running group. The "Monstars" helped me develop my passion for running. At this point my breathing was heavy and I was purely exhausted, but I remember them telling me I could cross the finish line. I remember them telling me to keep breathing. I remember them lying to me about "coasting to the finish line" when I really had 2 more hills.

After they jumped out, it was me and the finish line. I passed my friend Liz's mom and sister, who had a very recognizable sign at several places on the course that was such a welcome vision once again. I saw my parents and T.J.'s parents with T.J, holding up signs for me. I saw my friends Mallory, Brian, Tara, and Bessler. I saw my brother with his family and my niece and nephew waving at me. I couldn't help but smile. I was beaten down, I was ready for this to be over, but I felt such pure happiness. I crossed the finish line and felt pure relief. My time-4:55, 10  minutes behind my "ultimate goal" but still under 5 hours, my "secondary goal" and still doing it the whole time without walking, my "third goal."

The point here is truly said best in the words of Lauren Hill, Never Give Up. It was through not giving up on myself and not giving into my negative thoughts, that I completed something that seemed so unreachable at one point. It's so crazy because your mind will only prepare you for what you set out to do. When I set out to do half marathons, I'm tired at the end. At a full marathon, I felt great and alive at mile 13. Put it in your mind to accomplish something and don't let go of the goal until you get there.

I think the next lesson to be learned here is to lean on the support of others. I am truly humbled by all of the kind words I received, and especially by everyone that showed up at some point on the course to cheer for me. This is what got me through. If I was out on that course completely alone, I truly think the result would have been much different. Sometimes you have to use the strength of others to bring you up, and that is what I did on Sunday. The cheers, the smiling faces, the posters, the text messages, all brought me up and kept me putting one foot in front of the other. It really did mean the world to me.

A chapter has closed. The sweat is gone, the hard work is over. All that is left now is the t-shirts, the car magnet, the photographs, the medal, and of course, the sweet memories. As I look back on this marathon I think the most memorable thing will always be the people. To those of you who were there for me in some form during those 5 hours, I thank you very sincerely. No matter what I complete the the future, May 7, 2017 will always hold a uniquely special place in my heart.

To the people who have asked, totally worth it, and I totally would do another one!

Less Than 24 Hours

Yesterday I went to the expo and I honestly got really excited. It's a neat experience and there's just a buzz of excitement in the air. I was pumped seeing all of the Flying Pig gear. I bought 2 shirts and a hat, plus got a first time marathoner shirt and bib. Looking back on it, I wish I would have bought more. When I finish this thing, maybe I can reward myself with all the goodies!

Today I helped out with some students from my school who were participating in the Flying Pig 5K and 26th Mile. One of my students actually asked me to run the 26th mile with her and while I wasn't planning on doing any running today, I had fun watching crossing the finish line with some awesome fifth graders.

As I'm getting everything ready today, it's hard not to at least be a little bit scared. The truth is, I'm most afraid of failing myself. I have goals in mind that I want to accomplish and when you work towards something for a long time and pour yourself into it, it's hard to imagine what it will feel like to not accomplish those goals. It's hard to think about what will happen if you disappoint yourself. Something that has really made a difference to me, and has helped me to believe in myself more, is all of the people who have reached out to me to wish me good luck. I know that literally everyone and their brother knows I'm running the full marathon. I realize that at points I've become downright annoying with posting and talking about it. Even though this may have been the case, I have had text messages, facebook messages, in person messages, cards, cookies, a mug all to send me good wishes. A lot of people have told me that they're inspired by me. This is absolutely mind blowing to me when I think about where I have come from. I really do want to inspire people because at one point in time there was no part of me that thought I would be interested in running. Tomorrow I'm getting ready to take on 26 miles. I can't really predict how this will go, but I promise I will give it my all.  I promise to do whatever is in my power to keep pushing. I promise not to give up on myself.

One Week Till Race Day

There's a lot of excitement building around The Flying Pig Marathon and rightfully so. It's such a fun weekend in Cincinnati with events that celebrate our great city. The Flying Pig is a quirky race with a ton of crowd support and throughout the weekend they have events that really appeal to all ages, ability levels, and interests. I really do get giddy around this time.

However the weight of knowing I'm running a full marathon contributes to some serious terror. I won't let this put a damper on the excitement of the week, but I am nervous. There are times when the thought pops into my mind about what I'm going to endure and my stomach drops. The mind is such a powerful thing and sometimes it's hard to get that in the right place.

I thought I would state some of my goals around the race. I didn't want to do this at first but I felt like I was copping out by not sharing my goals. These are the goals I want to meet and sharing them will help hold me accountable, whether I succeed or not. I want to finish the race between 4:45-5:00 hours. In order to do 4:45 I have to maintain a 10:53 pace. Studies show that marathoners slow down by 20% in the second half of the race, so this is something I'm going to have to consider when starting out. I would also like to complete the race without walking. There is absolutely nothing wrong with walking, and I know that people train to walk or do intervals all the time. I think nothing less of them. For me personally, I have just been training to run the marathon so I want to meet that goal.

Each day as the race approaches, I know I am taking on something that will challenge me mentally and physically. The hardships that I will encounter aren't lost on me. I know that miles 20-26 will be almost unbearable because I have never endured that mileage before and that my body will be close to shutting down by that point. I know that believing in myself will get me far and I hope that I can keep my mental state together, even when pushing through pain, soreness, heat, or whatever I might face. My legs will only hurt so much. My breathing will only get so heavy, my exhaustion level will only get so high. I can persevere. I can endure. I can. I can. I can.

Confidence

Last week we had a 20 mile run and it was not my best performance. It started out raining, we even got poured on briefly, then the sun came out and it ended up being super hot. The race was the "last long run" and all of the training groups got together for a race supported by water stops and even members of the flying pig staff, which was fun. However, I got in 45 minutes before the cutoff (struggling I might add) and everything was already torn down. This kind of upset me because I think it's rude to tear down before runners finish, especially when we didn't even get to the cutoff time. I only got a bottle of water because our running group snagged a case before the sponsors left. So after last week's race, I felt slightly discouraged and especially slow since I felt like I was coming in last place.

Today we had a 15 mile run. I started out pretty quickly with a sub 11 minute mile. I knew the route was going to be hilly and we ran up Gilbert, which is the largest hill in the marathon. I wanted to really nail this route because I knew it would be a part of the race where I might struggle. I found myself staying away from the negative thoughts and staying calm and controlled while doing the course. Even when I came to another hill, I pushed the negative thoughts away and just tried to stay confident. It really worked! Even other runners from my group were complimenting me, which only increased my confidence. It's like sometimes you need people to pat you on the back because you can't possibly believe that you are killing it.

I think that confidence is a weird sort of thing because staying in that mindset can really propel you forward. Not having confidence can really propel you backwards. There's always a chance that something bad can happen on race day but if I focus on that, it's only going to weigh me down. Having a good run today really helped my confidence and I hope that I can stay this confident for race day. We have one more Saturday run, which will be 10 miles and I hope that it goes well for me so I can continue to feel like I can be successful in a marathon. It's getting so close to race day that my anxieties are continuing to rise and are getting harder to shut out. If I can rest assured in anything, it's that this has been a wonderful journey. Every run, good or bad has led me to the spot that I'm in now and it's a place where I never thought I would be. While I've always heard the journey is the reward, and while I believe that's true, a shiny gold medal would be nice!

Went into a liquor store today and someone was selling these shirts. It was a sign!